Being Happy While Being Single
By: Yasmine Ayad
@YasmineAyad8
Are you Egyptian and single?
If you answered yes, then you’re one of only 11.3 percent of the population who official government statistics describe as single.
A Caravan survey of 105 AUC students, revealed that 81 percent identified themselves as single. About 93 percent of those said they were happy being single.
Most said they relished in the freedom of being single – the freedom to choose how much time to spend with friends, and the lack of commitment and responsibility (considered to be relationship hallmarks).
Some students said that being single allowed them the freedom to flirt with whomever, whenever they wished.
Sam Nabil, founder of Naya Clinics – an American national relationship counseling, therapy and life coaching franchise, told The Caravan that the concept of freedom [experienced whilst single] is really subjective because it differs from person to person.
“But the most prevalent feeling in these cases is that they feel that there was something they were able to do before [a relationship], without suffering consequences, that they now cannot do without suffering them or sometimes they do not even have the time to do them,” Nabil added.
The official cambridge dictionary defines being single as “not married, or not having a romantic relationship with someone.” It does not correlate directly to happiness.
Nearly 85 percent of the students surveyed said they didn’t necessarily believe that happiness is directly related to being single but instead depends on individual needs and wants, and what one is looking for at that particular stage in their lives.
“It really depends [if a person is happier single] on where that person is in their life, because it’s a constant push and pull between the person’s basic need to connect [not necessarily in a romantic way] and their need to be alone,” said Nabil.
And being alone is unlikely to last very long in contemporary Egyptian society.
“Psychologically, the benefits of being single lie in a person’s feelings of freedom. The person can enjoy a more vibrant social life. But it is also difficult to find a good place [for yourself] in a society that is marriage-oriented,” said Heba Kotb, associate professor of practice at the Psychology Department.
According to Egypt Independent, the average age of marriage for men is 26 – 20 for women.The older either gender get, the greater the pressures of society appear to be to get hitched.
“Society and culture definitely affect the decision to marry or to stay single. In some societies, there is more pressure on people to get married even if they make the wrong decision,” Kotb added.
Life and Relationship Coach who works at Mars Venus – a global entity which offers training programs, workshops, life coaching, and executive coaching services, Amira El-Deeb, believes that society plays a significant role in pressuring people into marriage.
She believes that some people are happier single as they can balance their life and satisfaction without the presence of a partner, because they fill the first five of what she refers to as the ‘ten love tanks,’ a concept created by relationship counselor and author John Gray.
“If I’m happy single, I will be happy when I’m married, but if I’m already unhappy, then I will remain unhappy after I get married because I didn’t fill in the primary tanks in the ten love tanks,” said El-Deeb.
The first five tanks comprise God’s love, parental love, friends and fun (a person needs more in their life than just work or school), peer appreciation (having other people around who share similar interests), and finally self-love.
“None of [the first five tanks] mention being in a relationship. This is because being in a relationship comes in the sixth tank, which is when the person starts to look for a partner. Some people are happier single because they are able to fill all of these tanks on their own,” said El-Deeb.
Ahmed Samy, a mechanical engineer alumnus, believes that being single in Egypt is easier for men than it is for women; men are allowed to take their time to settle down while women are constantly pressured into settling down.
Nearly 53 percent of the students surveyed by The Caravan agree.
Many respondents said social and cultural pressures can be overwhelming for single women.
“Females who are single for a long time can be perceived as hopeless cases,” Samy said.
Construction Engineering junior Amr Youssef said he finds it easy in Egypt for men to be single because they always have the excuse of waiting for financial stability.
“Men tend to go for military service and thus they aren’t really held accountable on what they ought to be. Being in a relationship comes last in comparison to the other issues in life,” said Youssef.
Physics sophomore Shaden Shehab said that while Egyptian society may make it difficult for women to be single after they reach a certain age, she feels that being single can have its positive aspects.
“My favourite thing about being single is that I never have to worry about what the other person is thinking. When I’m with a person, he usually expects me to notice and feel every time something is wrong, and I’m not like that,” said Shehab.
Writing about her life as a 30-year-old single woman in an August 2015 article on Egyptian Streets, Rabab Fathy recalls how often she was indirectly pressured by questions of ‘when are we going to be happy in your wedding.’
“Turning 30 and not being married is not the problem, not in any respect, rather it is in the mentality of Egyptians concerning age,” she said.
