A Perfectionist Embracing Chaos

Photo Taken By: Julia Khalifat

For the past 16 years of my life, I have learned to become a perfectionist. Studying an instrument in the Western tradition under a Russian-trained teacher leaves little room for swaying away from the norm. 

I have learned to play rhythms to the steady beat of a metronome, I have learned to place my fingers accurately to the millimeter,  and I have learned that sticking to what’s written on the paper is the way to go.

And now, after all that has been ingrained in me, Arab music found its way into my schedule.

Suddenly, I hear quarter tones that sound out of tune to me, and I realize that the more one improvises and deviates from the notes written on the sheet, the more virtuous one is as a musician.

In my Arab Music Ensemble class, I’m learning to put my fingers precisely in the areas where I wasn’t allowed to put them for 16 years. I’m learning that tuning is not an accurate science, and one needs to listen to the ensemble around to figure out where to place the finger. 

Reflecting on that, I realized that this comparison resembles the experiences I had during my cultural shock phase of settling in Egypt. The musical traditions of both Germany and Egypt are so reflective of how each culture functions.

It was a big shock for me coming to Egypt, a country that cannot even be described as organized chaos. The hustle and bustle, the honking cars, the disregard for time, and the laid-back attitude made Cairo challenging to get used to. 

And even now, four and a half years later, some things will always remain foreign to me.

I often wonder if it is possible to fully embrace a new culture, as if it is one’s own. If I stayed in Egypt for another five, 10, or 20 years, would I start coming late to appointments or is that a culture-given characteristic that will stay with me forever? And would either of these options be truly desirable?

I don’t believe there is one true answer to this question. 

For me, however, I don’t ever want to fully assimilate into a new culture. I like most traits I have inherited from being German. Arriving on time, being structured and organized, and speaking straight to the point, are all values I wouldn’t want to miss.

That doesn’t mean I can’t learn from other cultures. Egypt has taught me to be more self-confident. I have become more flexible. I have also learned to become a more creative problem solver. 

Today, it’s the combination of those characteristics that make me, me. It is also those characteristics that help me value and understand strangers that come from entirely different backgrounds.

Just like fusion in music brings the pieces I enjoy most, fusion of cultures makes the perfectionist within me survive the chaos around me.