Find Your Inner Wonder in Kickboxing

By: Malak Ehab, Senior English Editor

To feel suffocated by everyone around you, even yourself, is so frustrating to the point that you may feel powerless and have no voice at all. Ever since I was a little girl, I was told there was a certain way to act and behave. “Being a woman requires you to be polite and look cute”, that’s what everyone around me said.

I was trapped in my thoughts for years and had no way to make the real me show. However, all of that came to an end, when kickboxing started being part of my life. To others, it may seem like any sport, but to me, it was my only piece of mind, where I was honoring my solitude rather than hating it.

My whole journey dates back to 2016, when I was in grade 9, pre-Ig, basically being prepped for the actual hurricane, which was Ig itself. I was failing all my classes and feeling hopeless. My mental health was deteriorating, as everyone around me kept telling me how much of a failure I was. I was a ticking time bomb, waiting for the right second to explode, which I eventually did.

One day, the principal asked me to her office, “You have ADHD,” said the principal mockingly, “I think you need to do an extracurricular activity, so it helps you focus.” I just sat there listening to everything she was saying, but I was reactionless.

All I wanted to do was cry out loud and say that I have had enough. I can no longer take it. This was just overwhelming. Like I thought things couldn’t get worse, but they did. At this point, I was drowning in my sorrows.

You know the point where you just shut off all your emotions because you are not capable of processing them anymore? That’s what I did. I had lost all my passion for life.

I was no longer that optimistic girl that thought things would get better, I was genuinely not excited for the life ahead of me. Why should I? I was a failure with ADHD.

As soon as I went home, I broke down, started shouting, and shredded all my books. I felt rage, yet hurt by how the world can be so cruel to a young girl trying to find her way in life.

A couple of days passed and I was still depressed, but out of the house. While I was walking at the club, something quite interesting caught my eye; I saw a couple of girls practicing kickboxing.

I was in awe at how girls could do that, so I went straight to my parents and asked their permission to try it out, but they told me, “you are a girl, try finding something else”.

Normally, this would be enough for me to take the hint, but this time, there was an inner voice that kept telling me that kickboxing is where you belong.

So, I kept pushing, until they said yes. I have no idea where I got the energy from, but I just did it from somewhere deep down inside as if something was crawling to get out.

I was over the moon, finally, to have a saying in my life. I have control. That’s how I felt. I went to my first kickboxing training session with a huge smile, just like a child has when they get a new toy. It was awesome. Astonishingly, I was a natural at it, which I couldn’t believe because I was always a failure.

The moment I entered the training room, I felt complete and from that day forward, I knew it was a new era for me. An era where I could finally shine.
Kickboxing made me feel safe and appreciated. It empowered me and gave me the voice I was lacking for years.

Fast-forward two years later, I became the best girl at the kickboxing academy. Everyone else was afraid to fight me. I also passed my IG exams and transferred to an American school where I discovered that I was actually quite good at English and writing. I fit in quite well.

This sport didn’t just give me power, it helped me rebuild my self-esteem. I proved my parents and teachers wrong, and everyone else who doubted me because I listened to myself for the first time. It seemed as if I was nurturing my true nature.

The satisfaction I get from kickboxing is incomparable to anything else I’ve experienced. It’s the medicine which fuels my whole body with all the happy hormones I need.

I’m a senior at AUC now and kick-boxing still has my back. Stressed or depressed, it helps me get better. And I’m no longer shaped by people’s opinions because I don’t need them.

The insecure girl who was afraid of failing, who thought ADHD would be her downfall; it turns out kickboxing was her way to success.