Domestic Abuse Is Not A Joke

By: Amira Gamil
@amirasdiary

When people think of wedding days, the first things that come to mind may include a puffy white gown and a perfectly color-coordinated group of bridesmaids. But for Maha, a 24-year-old bride from Ismailia, the reality was a horrifying example of physical abuse.

The newlyweds sparked a media storm after a video went viral on social media showing the groom hitting the bride and forcing her into his car, a few minutes after she stepped out of the hair salon.

When this video popped up on my Instagram feed, all I could feel was the internalized misogyny taking the shape of the words “Why didn’t she call off the wedding?”

I did not think of why he did it, or why his sister joined him in beating the bride, or why people decided to record it and post it on their social media accounts to gain a few likes. I wasn’t angry at the people who turned Maha into a meme, and thereby enjoying the clicks of the share button that made their accounts trending.

I even admit that as one of the many people whose personas had been deeply intertwined with internalized misogyny, I too had this familiar first instinct of blaming the victim.

I know I am not the only person who keeps fighting this instinct every time a new horrifying abuse or sexual harassment makes its way onto social media. As sad as it is, I am, at least, relieved to know that I am now becoming aware of how much society is taught to blame women.

Despite the undeniable media attention from men and women alike, I found it quite eye-opening how people were more surprised at the timing of the physical abuse; on their wedding day, rather than the act of abuse itself. I have seen people joking about how the groom “couldn’t even wait for a few hours to hit her” or how she “probably just took a lot of time getting her make-up done”.

The thing that we need to come to terms with is that he was going to hit her sooner or later. This is what abusers do.

In a country where, according to the statistics of the National Council for Women, 86 percent of its married women are at risk of abuse from their spouses, there is no room for these kinds of “jokes” because the situation is already too alarming on its own.

But I understand, I really do. Egyptians tend to brush off our ugly sides by explaining how we are “natural jokesters”. We look at our pain in the eye and laugh it off like it’s nothing. But I hope that someday, we step up and realize that issues like domestic abuse stopped being “funny” a long time ago. In fact, they were never, ever funny. Domestic abuse is criminal, abhorrent and uncivilized. It is the epitome of sexual prejudice steeped in violence and hatred of women.

I sometimes feel like we became too stuck in our ways that we forgot what change felt like.

I recall hundreds of times where I tried to express my concern over issues I perceived as wrong, such as domestic abuse, only to be shut down with the oh-so-typical answer of “This is the norm here” or “It has always been like this”.

And what makes my blood boil is that this is exactly what happened with Maha, and what happens with hundreds of women behind closed doors who weren’t lucky enough to have recorded evidence of their husbands beating them.

I watched the groom proudly boast on Egyptian media, with a smile on his face, justifying what he did by saying that beating is a normal part of how Upper Egypt’s citizens act toward their wives. And I don’t really like the word “normal” anymore, because normal doesn’t necessarily mean right. If abuse is too embedded within a culture, we will get too used to the abuse to the point where it will not look like abuse anymore, it will look like a “normal” thing to do.

As much as I love being Egyptian, I realize how much we are in desperate need of reassessing the undeniable number of cultural norms we need to leave behind.

And remember, Maha’s incident is no special case, the only difference is that this time, the victim was in a wedding dress.