Bystander’s Dilemma

By: Basant Samhout
Audio Producer

Private groups are a common occurrence. It’s a safe space for friends to connect, share inside jokes, and seek advice. But, as a result of recent events, it seems the lines are blurred. 

What is really allowed or acceptable within a safe space? 

I first thought that my take or my moral standards are not controversial. Maybe I was wrong. 

Taking a screenshot of someone’s public social media picture and sharing it with others for the purpose of sexualizing and ogling their body is not normal behavior. It’s predatory. 

Also, the difference between you directly leaking someone’s nudes or getting them leaked off the internet is tangential, because you still contribute to further harming a person. 

And it’s a sorry excuse to think it’s less bad because you don’t know the face on the body..

Seeing someone engage with non-consensually leaked nudes (even if they’re publicly available on the internet) and not calling them out is bad. It’s even worse if you choose to still befriend them and socially associate yourself with them.

It makes you an enabler of a predatory and vile act.

Let me explain that being a silent bystander makes you complicit. Your silent disapproval does nothing. A harasser does not care for your silent judgement if you’re still going to be associated with them and socially interact with them.

Is sharing nudes comparable to silently witnessing it? 

I don’t know, and I don’t think so.

There’s a spectrum to the crime, but both parties are despicable in my eyes. That is my personal opinion. They are to be held accountable to the degree of their implication with the situation, and that includes accountability for silence. 

However, I do sympathize. There is a bigger moral dilemma in being a bystander, simply because it’s usually hard to decide what the right course of action is.

Do I report this behaviour or object to it at risk of being a no-fun snitch? How can I do something without blowing everything out of proportion? How can I ensure that my action won’t do more harm than good?

We also need to understand that the concept of non-consensually sharing nudes is normalized to a scary degree. There is an element of social conformity that leaves some afraid of speaking out against their peers that actively engage in this harmful and despicable act. 

There are power dynamics among friend groups and a fear of being a snitch or a simp, etc. These are all ideas perpetuated by a society that has allowed toxic masculinity to thrive. A culture that has allowed people to think that not looking at or not consuming the content is just enough. 

No. It’s barely the minimum.

So what can you do as a bystander of injustice? 

What can you do when you’re added to a group where nudes are being circulated, therefore actively harming others?

Below are some suggestions. I am aware that it’s easier said than done, but we have an individual responsibility toward our community and ourselves. It’s our duty to contribute to the safety of our community.

Show stern disapproval to the person distributing nudes. Show disapproval of the overall action, not that this action is being done in front of you. Meaning “Don’t share nudes non-consensually anywhere!!” is the right way to go about it. Telling someone: “don’t share this material here/ in my presence” is not. 

“Am I the behavior police?” you might think.

Allow me to retort with a couple of questions: If you see a harassment incident in real life wouldn’t you be compelled to speak up or disapprove? Why is it any less bad because the harassment or assault is taking place on a WhatsApp group with your friends or acquaintances? 

If your disapproval does not deter the perpetrators from this behavior then show them real social repercussions. Cut them off harshly. Give them dirty looks. Warn your friends. Warn their friends. There have to be real social consequences. 

If social isolation does not deter them, then you are within your rights to report this activity to their workplace or school. Even if the legalities are disputable, this is behaviour that no reputable institution will tolerate. 

If you truly care about your friends or peers, you will hold them accountable. You will hold them to standards that make society safer for us all. This is not a discussion of whether women should send nudes or not. The fact of the matter is that consensual nude sharing happens for many reasons and they’re irrelevant to this piece. If you want to consume sexual content, there are plenty of ways where you can do so without violating others. I hope this was helpful.