Day 112: The Pandemic Reminded Me How to Live
Day 112: July 16, 2020
Global Cases: 13, 938, 371; Deaths: 591, 964
Egypt Cases: 85, 771 Deaths: 4, 120
Marwa Lotfi
Associate Director at the Academic Integrity Office
When COVID-19 started, nobody ever imagined that it would be such a vast pandemic with such dramatic impacts on the whole world. A considerable number of people around us have lost their loved ones or experienced other kinds of losses; psychological or financial.
Others just couldn’t handle the shift in the lifestyle and the social distancing and just wanted their regular lives back. Since the pandemic started, I have been hearing a lot of “I want my life back” while deep inside myself, I wondered if I really wanted the same life back.
And the answer was NO.
When one is taken by the day-to-day responsibilities, it is very hard to have the time or the clarity to think and assess ones’ feelings and well-being. However, when everything stopped, and one finally had the time, everything became apparent, and I suddenly felt so tired.
Tired of being a full-time mom. Tired of being a full-time worker. Tired of trying to be being a full-time wife. Tired of trying to be a perfect mom, wife, worker, and woman in such a speedy world. Tired of trying to please everyone but myself. I barely eat any healthy food. I hardly exercise, and I even barely have a decent night’s sleep.
All of a sudden, I realized I actually forgot to live. I was only trying to please everyone else and forgot what I really wanted. For the first time, I actually had the time to think, and my answer was, “No, I neither want nor deserve this so-called regular life.”
The whole new situation made me, and I bet many others, realize how precious and short one’s life is. I decided I won’t settle with the idea of just passing the days, I would rather enjoy every moment of it. From now on, I will value my existence and cherish my well-being.
For the first time in my life, I found myself caring about what I eat and how I feel. I started having deep, meaningful conversations with my kids instead of just plain orders. I finally had the time to show them my love, clearly and unconditionally. I meditated more. Focused more while praying.
I simply became a better and more relaxed version of myself. I feel as though I finally have the capacity to love myself, enjoy the beauty of life, and distinguish real relationships from fake ones. How will I manage to juggle all the balls carefully and happily? I still don’t know, but I know for sure it’s definitely time for a new start after the pandemic!
For The Caravan‘s previous diary entries in Arabic and English go to our COVID-19 Special Coverage page.
