Day 97: My Mood Swings

Day 97: July 1, 2020
Global Cases: 10, 795, 100; Deaths: 518, 058
Egypt Cases: 69, 814; Deaths: 3, 034

Janna Adel
Integrated Marketing Communications Sophomore 

I find it really hard to write down my thoughts, because it has always been my last resort before breaking down. Well the good news is I did not reach this point yet, but I am about to.

Everyone asks what day it is, But I don’t care. All I care about is that it is one of the good days, unlike yesterday. I woke up happy today, unlike any other day, for no reason.

I took an icy-cold shower to boost the adrenaline in my body. It felt as if I was rebooting my body as well as my mind. I wore my favorite long black spaghetti strap summer dress and decided to go for a walk on the shore, and if you are wondering, I am in Sahel (North Coast).

While going down the stairs, I saw my mother and she was astonished to see me up early, all dressed, and surprisingly in good mood.

Walking to the beach was not the same. A few moments before reaching the shore, I  remembered last year’s lighthearted and vivacious summer days when I could hear songs coming from the beach the second I step out of my villa and when the smell of my sunscreen overpowered the smell of the sea. I could almost taste the first sip of my favorite, refreshing watermelon smoothie. I remembered when all of my friends would complain about me filming every single moment, and how my sister whined every time I asked her to take thousands of pictures of me. 

It feels like I am just holding on my last loose string of hope, because I believe that miracles happen everyday … but not today. 

The sound of the waves crashing on the shore roars through my ears, as I walk toward the water. The sun was blinding my eyes, the soft breeze was blowing through my hair, the sand baking my feet and squishing between my toes, and the silence speaking to me. It felt so gloomy being all alone. I sat down on the shore and listened to Fayrouz and Abdel-Halim Hafez to get into my ‘chillaxing’ mood. I watched my footprints being washed out by the water. 

I lost track of time until my mobile phone died, so I walked back home. I felt heavyhearted and all I wanted was to throw myself on the bed and take a nap.

From across the street, I smelled one of my favorite homemade desserts ever, pancakes. I eventually discovered that my mother made theses pancakes especially for me, because “it was the first time in a while to see your smile,” she said. 

I had a feeling that is hard to express in words; I felt delighted, appreciating, thankful, but still a bit sad. I was not surprised by this inexpressible feeling, because since the beginning of the quarantine every enjoyable thing that happens does not feel as good as before. As if I am colorblind, I could live every moment to its fullest, but I still struggle in enjoying these moments like old times.  

For The Caravan‘s previous diary entries in Arabic and English go to our COVID-19 Special Coverage page.