Day 45: Don’t Train Harder, Train Different
Day 45: May 10, 2020
Global cases: 4,178,154; Deaths: 283,734
Egypt cases: 9,400; Deaths: 525
Oushah Habib
Political Science and Business junior
Only two things have happened in my life worse than quarantine: my dad and grandma passing away.
Yes, I see the world recovering from pollution and I see the beauty of people connecting and sticking together, but that pretty canvas is overshadowed by people dying from illness and other people’s mental and emotional health deteriorating, including my own.
Don’t worry though, there’s a happy ending to this, well, sort of. I never imagined this happening to me. I was trained like a robot ever since I was five. Growing up as a student-athlete, both my mental and physical stamina prepared me to face anything, literally anything. It’s not like I never had obstacles, it’s that I simply always knew how to overcome them, quickly and effectively. It was just like losing a basketball game: brush it off, re-group, find comfort in my teammates, train harder, and next time win better.
But this, this is no basketball game, this time I knew that If I lost, it wouldn’t be the game, it would be the championship.
By the second week of quarantine, I was already feeling trapped and suffocating. Having the basketball court or the track field to run around freely like the uncontrollable ball of energy I have always been was not like having my room where I could barely walk four steps.
My outlet was gone, I couldn’t train or do the thing I love the most; my energy level was still building up with nowhere to go. For the first time ever, my body was not cramping all over, my mind was loose, and I hated it!
For The Caravan‘s previous diary entries in Arabic and English go to our COVID-19 Special Coverage page.
I realized I missed my jersey and I missed strapping my shoes on so much, so I put them both on and just walked around the house. I tried, I really did but it wasn’t for me, the space was too small, I couldn’t train hard enough so I wouldn’t do it at all! I grew up loving being an athlete, sports were there for me, they prepared me through everything and got me through everything, and now it felt like that was being taken away from me. If you love painting or music, you could still do that from home, but shooting the hoop on the wall in my room with a kid’s ball wasn’t doing it for me. I never thought this could happen to my mental health, but it did, deteriorating was such an understatement.
I kept reminding myself of how I had trained my mental stability all my life, re-group, re-group, that’s what you’re supposed to be doing now. Train harder, win better. But still, nothing.
But, hey, remember my teammates? Yeah, they were there for me, some of them were like me, others pushed through. They told me you’re not trapped in my room, trapped in my mind. They said you’ve been through so many negative things before but none affected you mentally as intensely as the coronavirus pandemic, and when that happens you don’t train harder, you train different.
Fast forward to last week, my mom keeps knocking on my door in the morning and I don’t reply. She walks in and I’m already on my way to mastering yoga for beginners. She sees me again later that night in my kicks all sweaty and ready to take a shower, she says: “well I noticed you tried some new things today, should I stop worrying about you?”
“I still haven’t found that freedom, the walls aren’t all down yet,” I replied.
She turns around and starts walking away so I stop her and I say “hey, but I’ll be alright”.
She smiles, that means she actually believes me. I knew I was still struggling, but I smile too, because I realize it’s actually true, I will be alright.
